Parenting concepts (Part 2): Getting bigger and Growing up
The recent Eid celebrations and the journey we took back to our hometown(s) of Penang and Kedah has spurred me to write bits and pieces of thoughts into something more meaningful to share. I am certain a lot of these thoughts go through most, if not all of parents' minds as they take their children back to their "kampungs" and let them meet extended family members old and young. The added frenzy of a Hari Raya celebration makes the journey both a memorable and exhausting experience to be cherished....
On getting bigger and growing up
It so happened that our most recent journey home marked the first journey for our little Muhammad, the latest addition to our family of six. Apart from actual Eid celebrations, the family did a “Tahlil” in memory of our beloved brother (in-law) “Muhammad bin Ismail” and our little Muhammad bin Ismaida Zamri also had his “Aqiqah” done on the 3rd of Syawal in his Ayah’s kampung in Kedah .This was ideal in terms of location, logistics and family turnout. Alhamdulillah, it turned out well, thanks to the efforts of his Tok Wan, Tok, Aunties and Uncles , Grand-Uncles and Grand-Aunts and cousins (and Tok Nek too!) who as always, do their absolute best for such occasions. Only Allah can reward them for what they have done. Our many thanks to everyone.
The thing that struck me the most was the “togetherness” that such occasions brought. No matter how many people were there, we would seek each other out, “the facial recognition” mechanism in our brains function brilliantly…better than any hi-tech computer can claim to do! We’d go into full swing in terms of energy-levels, we’d feel “lapang hati” (not sure if there is a translation for this!), no matter how crowded the house became! And the wonderful sense of belonging sets-in…I’ve always felt extremely lucky to have married into my husband’s family. From day 1 of our marriage 11 years ago, I always felt I belonged….
As the family expands, our life circle gets bigger, literally. We welcome new members into the family every year, by virtue of marriage or birth and we lose members of the family to death, naturally or tragically. It is not about the size of the family getting bigger that makes me mellow, nor is it the grieve that I feel when there is a loss that is significant; it is the process of growing up after each birth, or after each loss. The sense of belonging we share when we welcome a new addition to the family makes not only bigger and better families, it also makes family bonds stronger. The sense of sorrow and grief that we share and the comfort that we seek and give out makes each loss acceptable and the levels of “redha” spreads a stark calmness thereafter.
For my kids, I want them to experience this sense of belonging as I do, if possible, for as long as they live. For that, we must ensure that the bigger the family grows, the closer we become. As parents, we must ensure our children embrace the future with a wind of caution…never to let the future ruin past relationships. Emails cannot replace a “salam” (handshake); SMSs cannot replace an “Assalamu’alaikum” and an embrace given to the elders, and Facebook cannot read “body language” and share a laughter (real, as opposed to virtual ones).
I want my children to know their Tok Nek, their Tok, Tok Wan, Opah, TokPa, other Tok-s, Makcik-s and Pakcik-s , each of their designations (pangkat-s) within their families and I want them to know who they are and how they are related to me or their Ayah. I want them to see how the families live in the kampong, I want them to experience some of the hassle-free relationships and unconditional love only family can offer. Am I asking too much since we hardly meet, perhaps only once a year? Maybe, but I know it’s do-able, what with IT tools and planned family gatherings, open-houses or weddings or even chance meetings, InshaAllah.
It is not only the getting bigger and older that is important, it is how we relate to our family as we grow up. Growing up with strong family values and support is key, I want that for my kids. I want them to feel the sense of respect I feel for the elders and their experiences, I want them to learn the hardships that our elders went through and take away from it how fortunate kids are growing up now and how thankful we must feel for all the blessings in life. I want them to appreciate having family members to rely on when times are hard and I want them to understand that when all else may seem out of reach, the unconditional love of the family can help hold us together….
Yes, getting bigger is unavoidable and growing old is a must. But the life choices we make determine whether we actually “grow-up” in life. Yes, we came back from the journey all tired out and not wanting to do anything much nor see anyone, but that feeling didn’t last. As I look back at all the Eid pictures uploaded on FB alone, I feel overwhelmed by the sense of familial bond to all these families that I see enjoying each others’ company and joy…truly, WE are not alone.
So my children, YOU are not alone. The family is your life and life is your family. Thank you Allah for your blessings in life and for this wonderful big family I’m blessed with.
No comments:
Post a Comment